


The Importance of Honor

by Musetotheworld



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 22:17:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8551285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musetotheworld/pseuds/Musetotheworld
Summary: No matter how many times Alex faces the General, the encounters are never what she'd expect.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea sitting in my notes since the beginning of June, and as much as I'm loving the Alex/Maggie tension I'm not quite ready to write them without a really good prompt, so I went back to this one to get out my Alex emotions.

Someone is watching her. Alex knows it. She'd never really believed you could tell, but now she knows that at least for her it's just an effect of her DEO training. She picks up every detail of the situation, whether she consciously realizes it or not, and the tiniest change can tip her off.

The street seems empty of threats when Alex casually turns as if she's checking a sign, but she doesn't let her guard down for a second. Just because she can't see anything dangerous doesn't mean there's nothing there, and Alex is not going to let anything get the drop on her. She wishes she had more than just a single weapon on her right now, but it'll be enough for all but the most serious of threats.

When Alex turns the corner onto a strangely deserted street, she thinks that maybe another gun would've been nice after all. Especially when General Astra slowly glides down to land in front of her, seemingly unconcerned with the weapon pointed directly at her chest. And Alex knows it's a futile gesture, an attempt to feel some kind of control over the situation, but it does make her feel better. If Astra is going to kill her for helping thwart her latest plot, then Alex is going down fighting.

But Astra doesn't attack, and Alex holds fire, well aware that this is a public street with likely multiple witnesses. The last thing she needs is a news story involving seemingly unprovoked violence. She'll already be lucky if no one is snapping pictures of her with her gun drawn.

"Such hostility," Astra says with a smirk, moving closer to Alex with a deliberate stride. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say I frightened you."

She does, but there's no way Alex is admitting that. Alex has learned how to use that fear, to keep from freezing up just because she's facing an opponent who could easily kill her, and part of that is locking it inside. Never letting it show. If she lets it have a foothold in her actions, she'll lose her ability to think. She has to let the fear make her better, has to prove she can be strong enough to push it down.

"Have to take sensible precautions when dealing with enemy combatants," Alex says blandly, keeping her breathing even to control her heartrate.

She's scanning the street with quick flickers of her eyes, ones she knows Astra will see, so she tries to take in as much information as she can with each glance without giving away anything she notices. Not that there’s much to help her on a city street surrounded by civilians, not against a Kryptonian who’d almost certainly done a sweep of her own before Alex arrived. The lack of people on the street is evidence enough of that, Alex knows the smartest thing to do when faced with someone like Astra is run the other way or call in reinforcements. Unfortunately she can’t run without Astra easily catching her, and she can’t reach for her phone or earpiece without being seen and possibly provoking a response.

This standoff is the best she can hope for right now, and part of Alex’s mind starts wondering why there’s a standoff at all. Astra has her beat on every level, from strength to speed to intelligence, and Alex has nothing to even the odds. Nothing to provide more than a minor challenge.

“You just gonna stand there all day?” Alex asks after a long moment of silence passes between them, knowing that provoking an alien General is probably a stupid idea but not sure what else there is to do. She can’t win this fight, and if she’s forced to stand here for too long waiting for Astra to make a move she’ll be weaker when it finally does come. “Because I’ve got stuff to do today, so I’d like to get this over with.”

Astra looks almost shocked for a moment before a calm mask drops into place, and Alex smirks a little, knowing she’d gotten to the other woman. It might not be a successfully landed hit, but it’s at least something.

“I won’t keep you then,” Astra says breezily, and Alex tenses in anticipation of the inevitable blow, only to end up staring at the sky in disbelief as Astra takes off.

What was that about?

X

Hank insists she carry a Kryptonite dagger everywhere with her after that, as well as a full magazine of bullets, all safely encased in lead. She fights of course, not wanting to risk the material anywhere near Kara, but in the end he wins when Kara agrees with him. “I don’t want the glowing green stuff anywhere near me, lead or no, but I want you hurt even less,” Kara says, and Alex can’t refuse.

When Astra drops out of the sky in front of her in the alley next to her building the next week, she’s glad her sister had been so insistent. In a heartbeat the knife is in her right hand and she’s reaching for her gun with her left, muscles tensing in anticipation of coming to blows this time. Surely the lack of attacks before had been just a fluke.

“Such a greeting,” Astra says with a laugh, staring at her without a trace of worry on her face. “What if I merely wished to talk?”

“Then you shouldn’t have started a war with Earth,” Alex says instantly, most of her mind focused on anticipating Astra’s first strike. “Sworn enemies don’t make good coffee buddies.”

“No? I find sworn enemies make for the best conversation,” Astra says, hands tensing just enough to put Alex on edge. “Thrust and parry are far more entertaining than any other conversation I’ve had.”

And without warning she swings, but at human speed seemingly without Kryptonian strength behind it, as if she’s testing Alex. And if she is, there’s no way Alex is going to fail.

Swinging the knife up with as much force as she can, Alex abandons the gun in favor of stepping into Astra’s personal space. With only a knife she’ll need to be close, hope for one good strike before Astra can take her down.

Instead of that happening, the second Alex blinks Astra is at the end of the alley, examining the already healing wound on her arm. “I’m impressed, I wouldn’t have expected you to move into danger,” Astra says as she shakes her arm slightly, the last of the gash fading away. “You’re much braver than I would have given you credit for.”

“Runs in the family,” Alex tosses back, finally drawing her sidearm now that there’s a little space between them. She doesn’t fire though, despite Astra making the first attack and turning the meeting definitely hostile she can’t bring herself to pull the trigger. It’s more than knowing Astra can almost definitely move out of their way, but Alex can’t put her finger on exactly what it is.

“An impressive family then,” Astra says with barely a hint of sarcasm, which as far as Alex knows is the nicest things she’s said about humans _ever_. It throws her off, and once again Astra takes off into the sky without a second glance. This time though, Alex is sure she hears a “until next time,” before she’s completely gone.

X

Hank is insufferable after that, and Alex has to shoot down at least three attempts to assign her a protective detail, and another two at getting her to bunk at the DEO for the foreseeable future. She spends enough time there as it is, any more and paying rent on her apartment will become pointless.

“Hourly check-ins,” he finally negotiates down to, refusing to back down any further. And Alex knows a losing battle when she sees on, so despite her reluctance she agrees. She knows Kara will likely do multiple checks of her own as well, and there’s no point in fighting either.

It’s not like she ever needs privacy anyway.

X

Alex doesn’t report the next time Astra ambushes her. She tells herself it’s because if she does it’ll just end up in a protective detail anyway, and she even mostly believes it. Besides, this time there were no blows, nothing more than a few pointed barbs thrown at each other. You could only barely call them insults in fact, and Alex isn’t about to make a big deal out of a few words thrown around.

But they do make her think. All of the exchanges between them give her plenty to work through, from the way Astra always seems to be examining her, to the way she didn’t feel in any danger the last time she’d shown up. It had been strange, but despite Astra’s status as enemy and the antagonistic nature of their meetings, she hadn’t been able to sense any harmful intent in the meeting.

If anything, she’d seen the opposite, when she’d made the mistake of letting her guard down long enough to toss off an “well we can’t all be the best, can we?” to one of Astra’s remarks, knowing her face clearly showed just how deeply that thought cut. It had been the last exchange of the meeting before Astra had taken off, but the general had stuck around just long enough for Alex to see a note of understanding cross her face, a look of almost empathy.

And it was strange, because Astra hated humanity, thought the worst of them. Alex knows that, as deeply as she knows she will do anything to protect Kara. It’s a fact of the universe and nothing less, but there could be no denying what she’d seen. Alex had tried, had nearly convinced herself that Astra didn’t care, that she’d felt nothing more than pity for the weakness of humanity. But it didn’t stick.

It doesn’t stick, because Alex had known, somehow, that Astra understood. Alex had complained about being second best, and Astra had known what that was like. And that moment of connection was enough to send everything Alex thought she knew out of the window.

X

The next time Astra shows up, Alex is on the balcony of her apartment, in the middle of her call to Hank, one he still insists on despite there being no reported attacks in weeks. And it would be so easy to drop a code word into conversation, or cut the call off abruptly and have half the DEO at her position within minutes. Kara could probably make it in under ten seconds, depending on how easily she could slip out of wherever she is.

Instead, Alex finishes the conversation as usual, holding up a hand for Astra to wait a moment. She almost feels guilty for lying to Hank, but when she says “no sign of the General” she isn’t exactly lying. She’s figured out by now that the woman in front of her isn’t a soldier when she visits, or is at least less so every time. Today, she’s definitely just Astra, no fight or tension in her stance at all.

“You didn’t tell your Director about my presence,” Astra says curiously when Alex hangs up, leaning against the balcony railing. “That seems a strange decision for a subordinate to make.”

“And visiting an alien enemy isn’t strange?” Alex says, reaching for her beer rather than her dagger. “For a superb tactician, you make a lot of illogical decisions.”

“Tactics are not always about logic,” Astra says calmly, ignoring the minor insult implied in the words. “Perhaps I am merely gathering information on those I fight.”

Her words, formal yet careless, scream of masks and hidden meanings to Alex, and having already decided to throw caution to the winds it’s impossible to keep the words in. “Bullshit. You’re risking death or capture, you know I have weaponry that can and has harmed you, that I have support teams mobilized and ready to be here almost instantaneously. There’s no tactical sense in taking that risk.”

“Please, if you did tell your Director of my presence I could be gone within seconds,” Astra scoffs. “And leaving you dead would account for most of those.” Despite the words there’s nothing in her body language to back up the threat. Instead, Astra seems almost casual, just another woman and not the leader of the opposing army.

“And here I thought this was going to be an amicable exchange. Must have missed the death and dying in the memo.” As before, Alex sees a brief flash of emotion on Astra’s face that could easily be misread. And just like the last time, she knows she hasn’t.

“I have no interest in anyone’s death,” Astra says, voice soft in the evening air as her posture curls in on itself, just slightly. Just enough for Alex to notice. “There has been too much of it, on both sides.”

“You’re telling me,” Alex sighs, remembering the latest family visit, the latest cover story. The lie had sat heavy on her tongue as she’d talked to the man’s widow, wishing the secrecy was unneeded, that she could tell the woman just how much she’d respected the agent and how brave he had been.

But she also remembers the sickness in her gut after killing the Hellgrammite, the same sickness she’s felt every time she’d had to take a life. She’s a soldier, it’s what she does when the situation calls for it, but part of her still hates that it’s necessary. Necessary to stay alive, necessary to protect the world, necessary to protect Kara. As much as she hates it, Alex knows she’ll never hesitate, and sometimes she hates that fact too.

“Deaths were never my objective,” Astra says after a minute, seeming to ignore the slight scoff Alex lets out at that. “I had accepted some would undoubtedly occur, unavoidable losses on both sides, but my original goal was to minimize the damage.”

“Well done,” Alex says mockingly before draining the last of her beer, deciding that a second is probably pushing it when she has an enemy on her balcony. “Apparently you’re as good at that as I am at beating you in combat.”

The look on Astra’s face almost makes Alex regret the insult, but with the mood she’s in the regret never comes. And before it even has much of a chance, the anger fades from Astra’s face, replaced by resignation. “You and I seem to be more of a pair than I thought,” she says, turning to look out over the city, a gesture of trust that doesn’t slip past Alex. “Alura was the brightest of our family, of many families in fact. I could never compare. So perhaps there is truth to your words, truth to why this conflict between our peoples has turned so violent so quickly.”

“I think it has more to do with a common set of goals, like all wars,” Alex says guiltily, rising to her feet and moving to stand next to Astra. She leaves the dagger behind, still sheathed, as a return for the trust Astra had showed her. “And the fact that your army is literally comprised of criminals that hate this planet and the fact they’re trapped on it. I can’t imagine that goes over too well with many of them.”

“No, I suppose it doesn’t,” Astra concedes, still staring out over the city.

“I know what it’s like to be second sister,” Alex offers when Astra says nothing else, fixing her gaze firmly on a distant tower. “I still am, and I’m okay with that now. I may not compare, but I can still do my best on every level available to me, because my actions are ultimately what I get judged on, not my sister’s.”

“I hadn’t realized you and my niece were so close,” Astra says after a long moment, making Alex freeze. She had been so careful to keep Kara out of things, to avoid revealing their relationship and so Kara’s vulnerability, and yet Astra had seen right through her. “Oh, relax. You’re the best example of humanity I’ve seen on this planet; of course it would take a Kryptonian to overshadow you.”

The arrogance of her statement jolts Alex out of both the panic and the complacent mood she’d been in, and she pushes away from the railing with a sigh, moving to go back inside. She doesn’t think twice about showing her back to Astra, knows she’s safe despite everything in her training that tells her otherwise, but she does need to be done with the conversation. “Kara usually flies by around this time every night, unless you want another fight tonight you should probably go,” she says as she reaches the doorway, trying not to dwell on her disappointment that the night had ended on such a note.

As is usual, Astra says nothing before taking off, and Alex heads straight to the fridge for another beer, wishing she dared something stronger.

It’s not until later that she realizes there had been a compliment in with the arrogance, and for the life of her she can’t decide how it makes her feel.

X

Despite the growing trust, or at least cessation of hostility, between them Alex had always been prepared to do what she needed should she ever face Astra in a real battle. And yet when that moment comes, Astra turns and heads for another of her soldiers before Alex can react, leaving her to deal with another Kryptonian instead, and then some acid spitter when Kara swoops down to pull the Kryptonian away.

“What was that?” Kara asks when the fight is over and they’ve collected their dead and injured for transport back to the DEO. “Two months ago Astra was practically seeking you out, and tonight she changes course before she can take you down?”

“I don’t know what that was,” Alex says honestly, because she’d expected Astra to be even more of a soldier than she’ll ever be. “It surprised me as much as it did you.”

“We’re talking about this later,” Kara promises before taking off, and Alex just sighs, knowing there’s no way out of answering.

X

When Astra attacks Kara before they have a chance to talk, Alex wonders if maybe the universe has finally given her an out. Probably not, but with the stress of Astra being right there, behind bars, Kara wants nothing to do with even the thought of her. It’s her pain talking, Alex knows that, but it’s a reprieve all the same.

Alex takes to sitting just outside Astra’s holding cell at random times throughout the day, never saying a word. There isn’t anything to say, after all. She’s more convinced than ever that Astra doesn’t want to be on the other side of the war anymore, but that doesn’t mean she wants to side with humanity either. Maybe getting captured was her way out of the mess. Once Kara comes around they’ll be able to talk, to reconnect, and recapture some of what she’d nearly destroyed. Maybe that’s enough reason to be captured. Alex knows it would be for her.

When Non attacks and Hank is captured, Alex knows there was more to it than that, and storms into the holding cell desperate for answers. She has no clue what’s between Astra and herself, but she knows that Hank is the closest thing she has to a father and no one can be allowed to take that from her. Not when she’s already lost one.

“Where the hell is he?” Alex asks, demanding answers she knows Astra can give her. Plot or no, she knows Astra’s heart isn’t in the war the way Non’s is, and if she can just get through then they can bring Hank back safely. “Damnit General, if he’s hurt I swear you will never see the outside of this facility again.”

There’s guilt in Astra’s eyes, a softening that Alex can see clear as day, no matter how impassive Astra pretends to be. She’ll get her answers, she’ll save Hank, and then she’ll work on saving the woman in front of her, from herself if necessary.

Then General Lane opens the door behind her, and all of Astra’s defenses spring right back up. Alex wants to kill him, for this as well as many other reasons, but she’s a soldier and a professional, and he has an order from the President. And even if she doesn’t respect him or his methods, there’s no getting around the President’s ultimate authority over the DEO.

She wants to let Kara protest when Lane starts torturing Astra, but a single glance at the woman in question decides for her. Astra is terrified of what is about to happen, but everything on her face is telling Alex to get Kara out, to keep her protected. No matter what other similarities are between them, Alex knows that one will always remain constant.

It’s not until after the ambush that Alex can face walking into that room again, can face whatever blame will be in Astra’s eyes. Because now men have died, and Alex can only think that it should have been their General in their place. They’d been innocent, just soldiers same as she is, and the man responsible for their deaths blames the woman in front of her. So maybe Alex deserves to see the blame directed at her instead.

“You terrify me, you know,” Alex says as she sits on the floor, leaning back against the glass doorway, putting off the moment she looks at Astra as long as she can. “Not because you’re the enemy, or because you’re Kryptonian, but because you understand me far better than anyone should have a right.”

“Well, I suppose I’ll take your fear over that bastard’s anyway,” Astra says weakly. “Yours is at least honest, and understandable. To reveal it brings you honor.”

“I wish honor was enough.” Alex finally turns, knows Astra will be looking at her, will be curled up on the ground as the last of the Kryptonite is flushed out of her body. Will be weak.

And she is, but there is more strength in her eyes than General Lane could ever understand, the same strength that Alex knows lives in her heart as well. It’s a determination that comes from that code of honor they both cling to, but also from putting those closest to them first in all things. Astra will die before she gives in to someone like Lane, and Alex can only admire her for it.

“For us, it can be,” Astra says after they’ve studied each other for long moments, voice already stronger. “That General of yours would be better replaced by an empty uniform, but our worth is not dependent on his. Nor is it dependent on that of our sisters.”

“And what honor is there in letting a good man die?” Alex asks, not breaking eye contact. “I don’t think it is.”

“Alexandra, I cannot betray the trust of my army,” Astra says almost desperately, conflict warring openly on her face as she struggles with the decision. It’s the most open Alex has ever seen her, no warrior masks to hide behind, and that cements a decision of her own.

“Then we’ll just have to go along with the exchange.”

X

Alex isn’t surprised when Astra saves them, their eyes meeting for a long moment before Astra takes off into the sky. It’s the honorable thing to do, after all.

She also isn’t surprised to find Astra at her apartment when she finally makes it back, a familiar shape curled up in one of the chairs on her balcony, staring out over the city. Alex doesn’t hesitate before grabbing two beers out of the fridge, knowing Astra heard her long before she reached the apartment so the fact that she’s still there means she wants to talk.

“Thank you for making them honor the agreement,” Alex says as she sits, holding out one of the beers to Astra. “God, it sounds so formal when you say it like that. Thanks for not letting them kill us.”

“I could never let them harm you,” Astra admits, taking a swig of the offered drink. “And what an impractical general that makes me.”

“Maybe you’re just on the wrong side.” There’s a forced casualness to Alex’s words, as if she’s commenting on the weather. But she doesn’t know how to ask for something Astra can never give, how to deal with the pain of being put second yet again. She isn’t even sure what she wants to begin with.

To not be enemies is a good start, but Alex feels that way about most people. Her list of hated beings is currently only about five people, and three of those are even human. Astra isn’t on that list, or on the ‘I don’t care whether I fight you or not’ list that comprises most of the planet. Somewhere along the way she’d moved to the ‘fighting you seems wrong somehow’ list, one Alex hadn’t even known she’d had until the fight where Astra had ignored her.

For Astra to make peace with Kara is somewhere in there, though that has nothing to do with whatever relationship is growing between the two of them. It’s entirely about the happiness of her sister and the woman sitting next to her, purely altruistic in a way Alex hadn’t been sure she was capable of any longer.

Learning what Astra’s army was planning so they could save the world was of course on the list of what she wanted, because as much as Alex could hate how the odds constantly seemed stacked against her, she did love her planet. She’d sworn to protect Kara when she was 14, and the rest of the world when she was 23, and she took both of those duties very seriously. Having Astra’s help, or at least knowledge of what she planned, would make that job a lot easier.

But none of those reasons seem to be complete, and Alex isn’t sure what’s missing. She just knows she wants _something_ , some big unnamable thing that she’s afraid to even think of. It’s easier to not think, to sit and drink her beer while Astra sits next to her, so that’s what Alex does.

“Maybe I am,” Astra says long minutes later, when Alex has nearly forgotten what they’d been talking about. And when she remembers, her head whips around in surprise, mouth dropping open in shock at the admission. “Today I had to force my men to act with honor, to be better than the worst we can be. And today you stood for what was right, even knowing it could end badly for you. For all that I wish to save the planet, I can no longer be certain that my army shares my vision.”

“That kind of thing happens a lot when you’re fighting for ideologies. You end up with a leader who wants something, and soldiers who want something else and go along with the plan just to get what they want. I’m glad to see it’s as common with aliens as it is with humans.” Alex isn’t trying to be snide or superior, but she’s tired, and Astra has always unsettled her even at the best of times.

“But to abandon my cause, after so many years, I am not sure I have the strength to do so,” Astra admits. “You admitted your fears to me, showed me your strength, so that is me returning that gesture. I am afraid I am too set in my ways to change.”

“It’s easier with someone’s help,” Alex says, unable to believe they’re actually having this conversation. “Someone who believes in you.”

“I fear there are few of those in this galaxy. My mistakes are many, and rarely do they inspire belief.” Astra sounds saddened by that fact, and Alex doesn’t think before she reaches out to rest a hand on her forearm, offering comfort without considering how the movement could be interpreted.

“If you want this, I’ll believe in you,” Alex offers. “There is no shame in realizing you’ve been wrong, not if you fix it. We keep talking about honor, but which path holds more? Blind belief in a flawed plan, or moving past it to do what’s right?”

Astra just looks at her for a long moment, and Alex looks back, keeping her hand in place and waiting for her decision. She wasn’t expecting the answer to be a movement of Astra’s own, let alone for it to be one of the softest kisses Alex has ever experienced, but from the first brush of lips against her own Alex knows exactly what she wants from Astra.

It’s overwhelming, made even more so by the fact Alex had never given much thought to dating women, but she pushes the mild panic away for now. She can freak out over this later, can sit down with a bottle of scotch and work through her emotions and decisions until they make some sort of sense. Right now, she just wants this.

“So does that mean you’re on the human’s side now?” Alex can’t help asking when the kiss ends, blushing slightly when she realizes just how close she’s gotten to Astra. She’s practically in the other woman’s lap, and as much as she’s pushing her panic down right now, she doesn’t think she’s ready for that much contact just yet.

“No, but I am on yours,” Astra says before leaning down to kiss her once more, and Alex decides that’s definitely okay with her.


End file.
